


how you look at me

by eggsarewhite



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora being a dork, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Confusion, F/F, High School, Human Catra (She-Ra), Mutual Pining, mentions of abuse, no powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:13:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24658921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggsarewhite/pseuds/eggsarewhite
Summary: "Adora," said Catra, fiddling with her fingers as she struggled to continue what she was saying. "I love you.""C-Catra, I'm sorry."
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 104





	1. too many things to say

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "Pagtingin (How You Look at Me)" by Filipino band Ben & Ben.

Scorpia looked at Catra, who was clearly nervous. "Catra, are you alright?" She moved closer to the brunette, placing her hand on top of hers.   
  
"I- I don't know, I'm just not sure of what Adora might react once I confess to her tomorrow." Catra stated, caming her nerves by massaging her own hands. Her and Adora were childhood friends, ever since elementary. Now that they've both have entered their last year of Senior High School, Catra decided to confess her feelings to the blonde before she leaves for Brightmoon University. "Catra, calm down. I'm sure she would react nicely. I know Adora, she won't bare any ill feelings towards you." Scorpia assured.  
  
"I know but, what if she doesn't feel the same way? What if she just sees me as a friend? I- I don't know what to expect, Scorpia. I'm just... I don't want to ruin the friendship we both shared for many long years." Catra explained, her voice getting more nervous and raspy as she continued her sentence. She looked at Scorpia, who was worried for her.   
  
"I doubt that Adora would end your friendship! Just look at it closely, Catra. Whether or not she harbors the same feelings as you do, she won't just end your friendship" Scorpia smiled. "Yeah, you're right," Catra grinned. "I doubt she would."  
  
"Catra, don't worry, whatever happens, I'm here for you. Always." Scorpia said, embracing her friend. "Thanks, Scorp."  
  
The day flew by as faster as Catra had expected, and in just a blink of an eye, it was the next day. It was the day she's going to reveal to Adora how she felt. The day she would tell her childhood friend "I love you."  
  
Catra was walking in the hallway, her arms full of books as she had a difficulty to find her next room.

"Hey!" said someone, who placed their hand on top of Catra's shoulder. It made Catra flinch and drop all her things. "H-Hey, Adora!" she exclaimed. "Geez, sorry Catra, let me pick up your stuff." Adora replied back, kneeling down and giving it to Catra. Adora was wearing their school's Volleyball jacket and sweatpants. "Didn't know you were carrying a lot of stuff." Adora chuckled, placing her hand on the back of her head.

God, Adora is so beautiful. Her toned arms, her goofy smile, her eyes that would drown Catra anytime-  
  
"Earth to Catra?" Adora said, laughing awkwardly. "S-Sorry, got kinda spaced out. I can't believe you didn't know I was carrying a lot of these stuff, idiot." Catra looked away, hiding her blush from the blonde jock. "I said I was sorry!" Adora exclaimed.   
  
"Whatever, idiot!" Catra laughed.   
  
"Me? An idiot? You're talking to the captain of the Volleyball team that won the state championship last year!" Adora laughed back, "Oh yeah, congrats about that Adora. I'm sure you guys would win again this year."  
  
"Thanks, Catra," Adora smiled. "I better get going, Bow and Glimmer's waiting for me at my next class. See you later during art period, Catra!"  
  
As Catra watched Adora walk away, her mind was thinking about whether to confess to Adora or not. "No, Catra. You can't back down now. You can't!" She wrestled with her own mind, unsure of what she would actually do. Dear God, she loved Adora to death. Everything about her was so perfect. She can't afford, no, she _can't_ risk losing Adora. But, she isn't even sure if Adora likes her back. She isn't actually going to gamble with the possibilities? Right?   
  
"Ugh, this is all so confusing!" Catra facepalmed. "What's confusing?" Out of nowhere, Entrapta showed up.   
  
"AGH! Entrapta! Where the hell did you come from?!" Catra shrieked, heading towards her next classroom. "Inside the room! Our next class is Science remember?" Entrapta said. "Whatever, geek princess. Let's just head inside the room."   
  
The class was rather boring, Professor Hordak was explaining about how gravity works, Entrapta was listening to him closely (They're too close, as Catra said) and Catra was looking out the window thinking about... Adora.

She remembered the time Adora told her that she was going to be the captain of their Volleyball team last year, and she was really happy about it. Catra could never have been happier for her. Since they were kids, Adora have always loved Volleyball, for some reason. Even though it was just a game of passing balls to each side without using their hands (according to Catra). She remembered how she would set the ball for Adora, passing it to her, and then Adora receiving it and accidentally hitting Catra. Those were the good old days. The memories made Catra softly chuckle, and she saw Adora on the field, which was coincidentally just in front of her classroom, taking laps with her friends Bow and Glimmer.  
  
There were also instances during their Junior Year of High School where Catra accidentally gave Adora a love letter, and thankfully, she didn't right her name in it and it was printed. She remembered the times Adora asked her who does she think the sender was, and she would really would want to meet them, despite not knowing anything about the person. Adora is just _so_ pure. No wonder why she fell in love with her, even if she was just a goofy dumb jock.   
  
"Miss Weaver!" Professor Hordak shouted, causing Catra to stop her daydreaming. "Please pay attention."  
  
"Yes, sir." Catra said, and as soon as Hordak turned his back, she rolled her eyes and wrote whatever he was writing on the chalkboard.   
  


* * *

As soon as Professor Hordak's class had ended, the bell rang and every student in Catra's room was empty. She stood up, fixing her things and grabbing her bag as she went to the next class she was having, which was Art. Afterwards, it would be lunchtime.  
  
Catra walked towards her next room, and there she saw Adora, hands in her pockets, whistling. As soon as her and Catra's eyes met, she stopped. "Hey, Catra! Wanna go to the room together?" She asked.   
  
"Uh, I was just about to go in, dummy." Catra shot back, ignoring that it was _Adora_ asking her to go inside the room _together._ "Yeah! I wonder what Professor Micah would let us do today?"   
  
"Probably something about shapes and stuff," Catra stated, "And some boring ass lecture about Art History."  
  
"Catra! Don't say that, I thought you loved art?" Adora asked. "Uh, yeah, I do." Catra replied. The both laughed and entered the room, and sat next to each other. Professor Micah entered the room, and everyone greeted him.  
  
As Professor Micah gave each student a worksheet, he told them that they would start shading the colours in with three light forms. The first circle would be shaded where the light comes from the right, the second circle where the light would come from the top, and the last circle where the light is behind it. The students started doing what he had told. As Catra finished, she looked at Adora who was beside her, still at the second circle.   
  
Adora's posture was kind off funny, her leg on top of the chair while her tongue was sticking out. Catra could clearly see that Adora was having trouble with the work Professor Micah had given them. "Catra I could feel you staring at me. I know what you're thinking, I don't need any help." Adora said, "Oh really? You clearly look like you need some help." Catra chuckled.  
  
She looked at Adora. She thought to herself, _God... I wish you were mine_. But she knew, Adora wasn't hers. She won't ever be.   
  
"And... done!" Adora said, looking at Catra, who was feeling down, "Hey Catra, you alright? Sorry about a while ago, I just, I just could do it, you know?"   
  
"Yeah, it's fine. Uh, Adora. Can you stay with me before lunch time? I just need to tell you something." Catra stated, "Oh, yeah! Sure, Catra."   
  
_It's now or never._ Catra thought to herself once again.

As art period had ended, the rest of the students in Catra and Adora's room were nowhere to be found inside. Catra looked at Adora nervously, "Hey, Adora," said Catra, fiddling with her fingers as she struggled to continue what she was saying. "Catra, what's wrong? You could tell me anything. I promise." said Adora.   
  
"A-Adora, I..." Catra stuttered, avoiding contact with Adora.   
  
"I love you. I always have."  
  
She said it, she finally said it. She already confessed to the blonde. She looked at Adora, who was clearly shocked.   
  
"Catra, I..." Adora was processing the words she just heard, "I'm sorry."  
  
Catra felt her heart shatter. She felt like she was wrong the whole time. She felt so disgusted with herself, she never should've confessed to Adora. "I have to go." Catra said, tears forming in her eyes. "Wait, Catra!" She heard Adora shouting, but Catra ran away. She ran away as far as possible. She ruined _everything_.  
  



	2. i'll put you out of your misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Catra confessed to Adora, she reminisces about the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the li'l cliffhanger last chapter! chapter title is from stay by post malone.

Catra ran as far away as possible, and she went to a place only _she_ knows. She felt a tear run down on her cheek; she should've never confessed. She should never have talked to Adora about her stupid feelings. She was so idiotic, so dumb, so... brainless. She couldn't think of any word that would describe what she was feeling, and she was just so intoxicated by the pain she was feeling that she couldn't stop her tears from falling. She sat by herself, head on her knees.  
  
Catra moved her hand to her hoodie's pocket and grabbed her phone. She unlocked it, and there she saw Adora- no, not in real life- but as her wallpaper. It was a picture of Adora on their school's Volleyball jersey, holding a trophy.   
  
"Good God," Catra wept, "Why did I have to lose her?"  
  
Her mind wandered; it replayed her last conversation with Adora before she ran away.   
  
_"I'm sorry."  
  
_ Sorry for what? For not being able to return Catra's feelings. That's what she thought. She didn't want to hear the whole thing, so Ctra just ran away. Running away was something she was always good at.   
  
She looked through her phone once again and opened her notes. There she saw drafts of unfinished poems- poems about Adora. As she scrolled down further, it was the draft of the love letter she accidentally gave the blonde during Junior High School. She tapped on it and proceeded to reread:  
  
 _"Adora,  
  
_ _Your ocean blue eyes would drown me every time I stare at them- the way you grin at everyone, at **me**. It just makes me feel like a marshmallow that's on a bonfire, slowly melting, slowly stroking warmth. This may not be the first love letter you've encountered, but this is my first and last letter for you. I'm so lucky to have met you, so fortunate to have you. Adora, you're just like the sun every time I talk to you. You are the light of my life (as corny as that sounds, that's pretty accurate). If I had to quote someone, I have to quote Shakespeare's Sonnet 116. I love you, Adora Grayskull. I do. Hopefully, by the time I have the guts to tell you how I feel personally, I hope you'd feel the same."  
  
_  
No ending notes, no indication of who's it from, just words. Words that have meaning, words that meant so much to Catra. If she had to be honest, she's glad that Adora read this. She was pleased that Adora accepted the letter.   
  
Catra felt more emotional as she read every poem she wrote for Adora. From her first and last letter to the thirty-first poem, she had written for her. However, all those things just reminded her that Adora has never felt the same way. That thought alone made the brunette weep. Unrequited love was something she should have expected. It made her think, why would someone as famous as Adora like her? Catra was just nothing but an introverted mess with anger issues, she had no good qualities, and the only thing she's passionate about was art. There's no way someone as perfect as Adora Grayskull would fall for someone like Catra Weaver. _Never_ in a billion years.  
  
Catra stood up as the school's bell rang. She quietly walked out of her secret place. As the brunette walked in the school's hallways, she saw Adora. Adora glanced at her, and it looked like she was going to tell Catra something, but to Catra's dismay, Adora stopped and looked away. Catra felt her heartbreak into two but calmed herself down. She didn't _need_ Adora's pity.   
  


* * *

The day was finally over, and Catra finally sat on her bicycle. She started paddling on the way to her and Scorpia's apartment. When she got to her destination, she removed her bicycle helmet, got down from her bicycle, and went inside the building. As she got to their room, she immediately saw Scorpia. Scorpia's look was very predictable, and she gave off the "How did it go?" look. Catra looked at the taller girl sadly, and softly said, "It went badly."  
  
Scorpia gasped and quickly made her way to the brunette. She firmly held Catra in her arms, embracing the shorter girl. "It's okay, Wildcat, let it all out." All Catra could do was sob, and she sobbed in Scorpia's arms. Scorpia couldn't do anything but to listen to Catra's weeping and crying, slowly patting her back. When Catra had finally calmed down, she told everything that had happened to her friend. It didn't take too long, but it felt Scorpia had been listening to her for about an hour.   
  
It broke her heart seeing Catra like this, vulnerable and depressed. She didn't like seeing her friend get hurt, and she never thought that Adora would react that way. As she listened to Catra's weeping, it felt like a light bulb appeared on the top of her head. "Hey, Wildcat, wanna hangout tomorrow with Entrapta? It's been a long time since the Super Pal Trio hung out!" Scorpia enthusiastically said.   
  
Catra raised her head, "What? What are we going to do tomorrow?"   
  
"Well, I was planning to take y'all out to the movies, but if you have another idea in your head, what should it be?" Scorpia asked. "I don't know, and maybe we should check on Entrapta first and ask for her opinion?" Catra replied.   
  
Scorpia took her phone out and quickly dialled Entrapta, "Hey Entrapta! Are you free tomorrow? Yeah, it's too cheer Catra up. Really? Oh sure, I'll tell her right away. I'll give you the details later in our group chat. Yeah, see you tomorrow!" Scorpia looked at Catra happily, "I guess that means you two have already something up on your shoulder." The brunette looked at the taller girl and gave her a deadpan look.   
  
"Oh, c'mon! We're going to the movies tomorrow, don't you worry about the expenses. Entrapta said she'd cover them! She said that she's going to take both of us out to watch the latest Rom-Com in the movies!" Scorpia stated. The brunette groaned. "Rom-Coms? Seriously? I've had enough of all this romance bullshit."   
  
"C'mon, Catra. That's the only decent thing out in the movies right now. I heard the rest are just pure romance."   
  
Catra rolled her eyes, "Fine. But I'm doing this because you're both my buddies." Scorpia then chuckled and hugged her friend. "Hey, Scorpia. Stop it. I think I've had way too many hugs already!" The brunette quickly got out of Scorpia's arms and gestured her to stay away.   
  
"I hope nothing would go wrong tomorrow," Catra exclaimed, "It's fine, Catra! Nothing's going to get in the way of the Super Pal Trio." Scorpia then looked at the shorter girl, "I promise."

Saturday came, to Catra's relief. She wore an ordinary outfit that consisted of her favourite grey sweater, ripped skinny jeans, and her favourite pair of Adidas sneakers. Scorpia and Entrapta accompanied her. However, the two of them were ordering some popcorn for the movies, so Catra was actually by herself, waiting for her friends. While she waited for them, Adora suddenly popped in her thoughts.

"Catra? Are you okay?" Entrapta asked as she handed a box of popcorn to her friend. "Yeah, it's just- whatever. I'm fine. Let's get going, you have the tickets with you, right? I'm already dying to go home and wrap myself with my blanket." Entrapta smiled, "Yeah! Scorpia's about to be finished."

"What's our seat numbers in the theatre?" Catra asked in curiosity. "I think it's the seats on the upper box, row B, seat numbers 4, 5, 6," Entrapta replied. "Why didn't you like, get 1, 2, and 3?" Catra questions in a joking tone. "Oh, apparently it's already taken."  
  
As soon as Scorpia got her food, she met up with Entrapta and Catra. As the three girls went inside the cinema, they sat down on. _This day is surprisingly normal_. Catra thought as she waited for the movie to start, secretly eating one popcorn. "Hey Catra isn't that-"   
  
Before Entrapta could finish, they saw Bow, Glimmer, and...  
  
"Adora." Catra stated, looking as shocked as Scorpia was.


	3. i get so lost inside your eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra feels weird. Adora sits three seats to her right, and they meet in the bathroom after the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait :) Final chapter! Enjoy :) Chapter title is from harry Style's "Adore You"

Catra couldn't comprehend what had happened. _Adora_ 's seriously here? In the _same_ movie theatre, watching the _same_ movie, in the _same_ row. Apparently, the three seats next to them that were occupied belonged to Bow, Glimmer, and Adora. What a fun way to make her day worse!   
  
The trio greeted them, and Catra tried her best to avoid eye contact with Adora. "Hey, guys! Didn't expect to see you all here," Bow greeted, waving at us. Scorpia welcomed back, "You guys too!"  
  
The movie hadn't started yet, so Bow and Scorpia chatted while they set next to each other, and it felt like the small mumbles and the low chuckles wold make Catra's ears bleed. Thankfully, the adults behind their back asked them to stay quiet. But it also embarrassed their respective friend groups. She also heard Adora whisper something to Scorpia about their Volleyball Tournament next weekend, and that they would be starting their practices on Monday.   
  
Suddenly, the lights went off, indicating that the movie had begun. Throughout the whole film, Catra couldn't help but glance at Adora from time to time. She could hear Adora's faint laugh every time a joke was said in the movie, and soft groans when the lines mentioned in the film were too corny or cringeworthy. Her seat was not too far from Catra's, which was three seats to the right.   
  
What caught Catra off-guard was when she glanced again at Adora, she was looking at her, too. Catra felt her face heat up and quickly looked away. After that incident, she no longer looked at Adora for the rest of the whole movie. Once the film had ended, the audience clapped, and Catra and her friends stood up. They walked away from their seats, "Well that was fun," Scorpia commented.  
  
"If what you label as fun is listening to non-stop cheesy pick-up lines, corny jokes, cringeworthy acting scenes, yeah, it was _super fun,"_ Catra groaned, which made Scorpia, and Entrapta burst into laughter. "Well, it certainly did have unnecessary jokes, and the actions scenes look very much stiff, but it was kind of hilarious," Entrapta said.  
  
Catra rolled her eyes, and suddenly remembered that she wanted to go to the restroom. "Hey, guys. I'm just going to head to the bathroom,"   
  
Scorpia and Entrapta turned their attention towards the brunette, "Oh, yeah! Sure! 'Trapta and I are going to check something out in the cyberzone." The pair then moved on, and Catra quickly went to the restroom. She entered a stall, and when she was done, she flushed the toilet. Afterwards, she got out and then saw a _certain_ blonde girl washing her hands.  
  
Adora glanced behind her and saw Catra as well. "O-Oh! Catra, hey!" Adora stuttered, gently massaging her hands while the faucet's water was splashing them. "Oh. Adora. H-hey."  
  
It was awkward, but Catra had managed. As she turned the faucet on and gently rubbed her hands together, Adora had to start a conversation. "C-Catra, about yesterday..."  
  
"Nothing happened yesterday; I don't need your pity," Catra pressed, turning the faucet off and drying her hands with a tissue.  
  
"Wait! Catra, Uh, pity? What are you talking about? I- Tha-That wasn't what I was going to say!" Adora argued, "What came out of my mouth yesterday certainly wasn't I was expecting, I was caught off guard, sorry." Catra raised her eyebrow, "Catra, I apologised because..." Adora said, twirling her fingers around.  
  
"Because I feel the same way, too."  
  
 _No way. No fucking way. There is no way she hears this in a fucking public restroom. Is she serious?_ Catra thought, dumbfounded. The brunette suddenly remembered about the abuse she had suffered when she was younger, and she remembered the time that Adora was the only person she could talk to about it. When her mother- _foster_ mother- berated her, cured her, for being the only child she could bear, She clearly remembered those times. However, Adora was there. The whole time. She _never_ left her side. But she was confused, why did Adora apologise to her yesterday?  
  
"Wait- Why did you apologise yesterday then?" Catra asked in curiosity, and she thought Adora apologising meant that Adora couldn't return her feelings. "'Cause I'm an idiot," Adora chuckled.  
  
"For not realising that you love me too." Adora smiled, but suddenly, her face turned into Catra's 'favourite smug face', "So you were the one who wrote that letter for me back in Junior High?"  
  
Catra blushed. "Wha- I can't believe we're talking about this in a _public_ restroom!"  
  
"Okay, okay. Shall we go out then?" Adora grinned, her hand on top of Catra's. Catra nodded, and when they got out, they resumed their conversation.  
  
"I was kind of hoping that you were the one that sent _that_ letter," Adora exclaimed, locking her attention on Catra. Catra's raised an eyebrow, "Really? That letter was so cheesy if I could remember correctly."  
  
"Yeah, because around that time, you forced me to join the Volleyball Team." The blonde said, "What a coincidence, I, too, started liking you around that time. Hence, the letter." Catra responded as she smiled at the blonde.  
  
The pair laughed and exchanged stories and funny moments during their childhood. They were interrupted, however, by their respective friend groups.   
  
"Care to explain?" Glimmer was the one who interrupted their little memory lane. Adora laughed as a response and explained to her friends what had happened between her and Catra. Scorpia looked at Catra as well, giving her the Please-explain-what-is-going-on kind of look. After their little explanation to their friends, Catra and Adora finally talked to each other again.  
  
"So," Adora started, "Date after our game next week?"  
  
Catra smiled, "Sure."  
  
"Also, see you on Monday, _Catrina Weaver._ "   
  
"I swear to God, Grayskull if you ever use my full name again-"  
  
"I love you," Adora said as she waved goodbye, she also had that stupid smug face Catra loves. Catra snorts, "Tch. I love you too, dork."   
  
  
  
  



End file.
